New day and things are freakishly better.
Somebody in the comments below reminded me of what I originally wanted for the artisan series...that is, I wanted the monsters and the trauma and the passion. Mostly the passion which has such a volatile tug of love and hate, excitement and fear.
And that is nowhere, NOWHERE in my self-portrait.
So that self-portrait, while nice enough of a painting, is NOT for the artisan series at all.
A few years ago I did a photoshoot in a shower with a sheet. It covered my face, while wet it clung to my cheekbones, eyebrows and lips. I need to reconstruct something similiar to that to get the pose I need. Almost nightmarish, screaming behind a wet sheet, begging to be let out.
I'm not going to rush on this.
I will pose today and if the results don't hit a heartstring, I won't settle. I will just try again tomorrow.
In the meantime, in the morning, I will work on the poppies series.
Because I think - rightfully - the artisans are going to take time.
If there is one thing I want to represent and represent well, it's the artists of this world.
So I'm not discouraged anymore, I'm excited.
I'm excited to restart. That is a beautiful thing.
And I'm excited to craft and create other things alongside this, to remind me of colour and form.