Friday, February 29, 2008

Very Exciting Day

My brother is competing in the 24th annual Ironman competition in Taupo, New Zealand today.
It's an international event.
I'm going to be glued to the online tracking and live updates.

I'm so excited!

I wish I were THERE!
I am supposed to be going to the thrift store later to find a gaming table...but I'm not sure if I'll be able to leave this little live action feed!

*more soon*

*double update*

It's now 7.20pm! They've been at it since 12 my time! The boy has all his swimming and biking done, now he has to run a marathon! Iyeeee. Insane. Amazing. Admirable. Gob-smacking. I love my family.

I have to blow off a party tonight I really didn't want to blow off. It's starting around now and there's no way I'm NOT going to watch my brothers race. A little sad that I can't put in my respects to the birthday boy but I hope he understands. This is my FAMILY man! And my brother is rocking it out!! About 3 hours something to go....

*leans in close to the computer screen*

*triple update*

I am expecting him in about 15 minutes or so.
I love that I will be able to watch him run through!

***quadruple update***

He looked AMAZING!

I sobbed like a fricking baby.

Dude, I know you don't hang out in my art blog, but jeepers creepers I love you.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Ridiculously Beautiful.

SStocker, DeviantArt.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Tied to the computer.
I told myself I couldn't leave until I had found the model I'd draw up today.
My beloved cheese quesidilla sits unmade and my butt is numb!

I didn't know my model search would be this extensive.

I hope I can go soon.

It's A Little Funny....

Because I don't actually think this sounds very scientific.

Scientific significance
Leaving aside the mythology part, the conch shell's significance can also be corroborated by science. If you try holding a shankha near your ear, the sound of the gently humming ocean can be heard. This is actually the natural vibration or cosmic energy of the Earth which gets magnified on entering the conch shell.

The vibrations from these conch shells can overpower evil forces from the Earth and at the same time also clear environmental pollution including healing the hole in the ozone layer which causes global warming. According to science, the blowing of a conch shell enhances the positive psychological vibrations such as courage, determination, hope, optimism, willpower, etc. in the blower as well as those around him.

You know.

I Go Round & Round & Round (with a grin!)

I am ridiculously excited.
With the transition of things.
Originally this series was going to be about camouflage. That changed to being about transitions. Which in turn changed to being about emerging.

Now, when deciding on my centrepiece, I took it a step further. I was planning on doing a self-portrait but I took it a step out of shedding skins and hatching eggs and was going to paint me as an artist, emerging from my work.

This also kind of tied in with an idea I had had earlier about artists morphing into their tools and instruments (writers, musicians, painters, etc). But, come to find, I like the idea of the artisans emerging from their tools rather than morphing with. I don't want to use my self portrait as a centrepiece for this show but rather as a centrepiece for my next body of work - which shall be the artisan theme.

Around and round and round we go.

So now I am back to square one on deciding on my centrepiece for my nature series but I am leaps and bounds ahead of my next show, which is tingling in all of my body.

I am very excited. I am going to make frames today, model search, try and find a new piece for this showing in March, and then compose for my next body of work.

I am tired.
And this year has been bloody awful.
But...for some reason I love it.
I just can't scream about 2008 yet.
I am filled and brimming with hope and magic.
If I were to step outside of myself I would logically look over and say 'you should be screaming'
But rather, I'm on the inside, beaming.

This series I'm finishing up (I've painted 11 paintings this month) this series I'm dreaming of (which fits with my skin) and my writing projects on the side...

I feel like I'm finally breaking free.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The Origin Of Freckles



& Here:

Still unfinished.


I got like a two day extension on my show.
I can paint another piece!


My cards were shipped today.

Rough Morning

I'll be painting.

My Man

Drew a portrait of me last night.

I just adore all of his work.

Best Wakeup Ever

Driven in from the park at 6am by a wicked storm. Hot winds, dark skies, then the thunder and lightening and rain hit.
If it weren't for the fact I've been hit by lightening before, I would have stayed out.

Orgasmic way to wake up.
So energised.
So energised!

I love a wicked storm.

Monday, February 25, 2008


I think, if I'm cremated, the air shall fill with nga champa and rose. Jasmine and lotus. Pine and sandal.

And, not out of vanity but rather out of beauty, I like to think the winds shall carry me over valleys and rivers and fields.

And that one person out there, walking in the world, will be moved to create something beautiful.

With ashes in their hair.

Amen Omen


"Amen Omen"

What started as a whisper,
Slowly turned in to a scream.
Searching for an answer
Where the question is unseen.
I don't know where you came from
And I dont know where you've gone.
Old friends become old strangers
Between the darkness and the dawn

Amen omen,will I see your face again?
Amen omen,can I find the place within
To live my life without you?

I still hear you saying
"All of life is chance,
And is sweetest,is sweetest when at a glance"
But I live,
I live a hundred lifetimes in a day.
But I die a little
In every breath that I take.

Amen omen,will I see your face again?
Amen omen,can I find the place within
To live my life without you?

I listen to a whisper,
Slowly drift away.
Silence is a loudest,
Parting word you never say.
I put I put your world
Into my veins
Now a voiceless sympathy
Is all that remains.

Amen omen,will I see your face again?
Amen omen,can I find the place within
To live my life without you?

Amen omen,can I find the strength within

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I'm Writing Again

I'm writing again.
After 5 years.

Lean in close and I will whisper what it feels like.

Aforementioned Canvas

Isn't she beautiful?

It is a RIDICULOUSLY gorgeous day.
Oh, it's always beautiful in the South weatherwise. But today she's outdone herself.
I can't believe I'll be spending a large chunk of it inside a movie theatre.
But that's okay, the world is going to be sparkling all summer long.

I'm naked and I smell like insence and light.
I'm going to go and put some clothes on and run out into the world.

Painting later.

With love,

Saturday, February 23, 2008

3am Drive-Bys

When I hear a car on the road at 3am I dream such dreamings.
I used to be a 3am driver myself in my wicked, wretched past.
Always with my heart stapled to a bleeding sleeve.
Always with a fire in my chest.

Tyres on the road at 3am make me quiver.
Especially in the rain.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Too Many Models

Too many models on my computer.
Not enough aspirin in my body.

Ha Ha!

Today I cheat.
I'm using a canvas I made a very long time ago but never used.
It's gessoed and everything...I will just add one more layer for luck and for freshness.
Muahahaha! No need to spend all day making a frame.

I'm excited.
I've always loved the shape of this piece.
Have meant to use it for so many things.

It's 36x12"

I know exactly what's going on it.
I'm just browsing through models.
Then I'll compose the piece.
And hopefully by tonight I'll have drawn it up and started painting.

*contented sigh*

I know what I am doing today.



I have only -roughly - 5 days to finish my pieces.
I would like to do at least two more.
I've decided not to use three of the collection.
The following two pieces will both be larger...and one will be personal.
A self-portrait, I think.
If all of my creatures are changing and evolving I think it's time I do too, letting go of things in the past that have only been sources of pain.
But personal works mess with my head and take longer.
And larger works in general take longer.
And I will need to build frames, which takes at least a day.
And I only have five days.
And oh, and oh, and...

At any rate.
I love some of the pieces I've already done.

*stumbles off to figure out composition and life*


Between works today.
Wish me luck!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Equine Dream

I'm tired.
It's 12am.
I'm at a site where people believe they can transform themselves into horses.

Their methods of action are as follows:

Perhaps you do not believe in it, but we think that if possible, then magic would probably be the best imaginable way to transform oneself.

Examine This Method Progress Timeline

Genetic Manipulation
Use specifically engineered viruses to methodically change the subject's DNA. This is a slow, irreversible method, but likely to work.

Examine This Method Progress Timeline

Spontaneous Quantum Tunneling
There is an infinitely small chance that even now, you will suddenly transform. This method would bend the laws of probability and cause this to happen.

Examine This Method Progress Timeline

Immersive Virtual Reality
This method only ranks so low because it would only be an incredibly accurate simulation, not actual success. However, this would be one of the most plausible methods, and makes a fine fallback measure.

Examine this method Progress Timeline

Mass to Energy Conversion
In short: Convert subject into energy, modify, revert back into mass. This method, although fraught with difficulty, would be extremely good when finished because it would be true transformation into any form one chose, and could be easily reversed or changed later.

Examine This Method Progress Timeline

Cosmetic Surgery
Almost certainly our most painfull method, this would involve mutilating the human form to resemble as much as possible the desired species. Even after full success, this method would only produce a counterfeit animal.

Examine This Method Progress Timeline

Although Brain transplantation sounds like a theme from a bad science-fiction movie, this is one of our methods, and our least attractive. Not only would it be irreversible, but it would effectively kill an animal (or imprison it in a human's body), something that almost none of our members would condone. Don't look to see much progress here.

Examine This Method Progress Timeline

Back to Top

I don't know whether to keep researching (not about becoming a horse, I stumbled upon this by mistake) or just go to bed.
It's been a long day.
*double sigh*

Somebody transform me into a....

I don't know.
*wanders out*


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

My Girls

I want to take a photo of my girls.
They're so beautiful right now.
I want to take a photo incase I screw them up later tonight.

But alas.
My camera done gone broke-ed.


note to boys reading this blog: 'my girls' does not always refer to 'my boobies'

*slaps you all*

Lunar Eclipse

Lunar eclipse tonight.

Be there to make a wish and to share in the same moment.


Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Garsh, I'm being a blog whore today purely because I am building frames and - surprisingly - there is a lot more drying time in frame building than in painting. Who knew? Or rather, I can work on three paintings at once but working on three frames at once, due to a lack of corner clamps, allows more inbetween times.

I just wanted to say that she who never gets homesick ACTUALLY GOT HOMESICK TODAY when I was watching this music video. I saw the bucket fountain on Cuba Street and went awwwwwwwwwww. *tear*

I miss Wellington today!


I scanned my head for my friends birthday card (my little camera isn't working and I can't make her a birthday video)

I told her to print it out and throw darts at it. ;)


For the record I am enjoying the show 'This American LIfe' a ridiculous amount.

Here is a trailer for it... (it's on the Showtime channel)

Wim Mertens

ps! I found Wim Mertens on charter radio.


I consider that a victory for the day.

(Wim Mertens is a Belgium composer who invented a language to sing alongside his fantasy's beautiful...he is also the music in the Schiele video posted below)


One of my favourite artists, was born June 1890. I was born June 1980.
It was a match made in heaven, no?

Favourite Paintings

My new favourite paintings are about to be made.
The canvases are being built right now.
Maybe late tonight I can start them.

something is balanced inside at the thought of them.

soft smile.

Tornado Weather

It's tornado weather.
It has been for days.
But you should see out my window and feel the hot winds on your face.

If I end up in OZ I'll hide my ruby slippers.

I wonder where the paintbrushes grow.

Monday, February 18, 2008


This is unfinished.
But I am tired and I am going to bed.

I wish I could sleep in in the morn. :(
Pray for rain?

Rough Stuff Sloughed

Sunday, February 17, 2008



Saturday, February 16, 2008


Today I worked my tail off.
I'm pretty proud of myself.
I worked like a dog.
Tomorrow, with any luck, I'll have five new paintings to show you.


It's after 1.
I have to go to the park early.

Nighty night, y'all.
*bows and exits*



You "male model" you.

When The Sun Rises

the sky is on fire.

Friday, February 15, 2008

What Is Art?

This year.

A girl I adore was gang raped. Violated and tormented in ways no person should be violated or tormented in.
Another girl was beaten by two huge guys and would have been raped if she hadn't 1) fought back or 2) been wearing a tampon.
This year another friend had a lover leave her after 8 years and her heart wrenches and aches as I type.
This year a friend has a very sick baby and there is nothing I can do to help his son or be there for him.
This year I've lost someone very important to me and my heart hurts.
This year my best friend has fallen prey to a vicious eating disorder which could very possibly kill her.

It's February.

What is art? It's a question I haven't tried to find the answer to. I don't look into it in case somebody says 'art is nothing'. I also don't look into it for the babble, for the bullshit. There are so many books writing about the importance of this or the importance of that but the insecurities of each writer reach out from between the lines and slap me in the face. People justify art because they want to feel jusitifed as a creator. People validify art so that their lives will be valid. That's not an answer to me. My life is valid because I am alive. I have friends, artists, who actually speak as if they are better than non-artists. Who claim they feel things more deeply, are more prone to insanity (said with pride), who claim they 'get life' more. I think this is bullshit, too. They're just people who want their lives to have more meaning, so this is what they say. I have friends, artists, who think being an artist is a key to free lands, that it ensures freedoms, that they can wear funky clothes or have crazy piercings and 'walk a different path' than mainstream. This is what being an artist means to them. And it's not the art that allows them's the illusion they create around what art is.

I don't need to justify anything to anybody.
Maybe that's why I don't care about what art is.
I don't need to feel recognised - maybe this is why when people ask what I do I do little more than say "I paint" and move on with the conversation.
I don't need to feel less alone as a person, either, which is why I don't buy book after book (and believe me, there are shelves full) of 'why artists matter' or 'the importance of art'

Last year I said to myself, and to others, that 2008 will be a fabulous year for art. And already, I've painted so much and conquered so much. But I didn't mean, when I said that, that it should be at the cost of the world exploding.
And the world is.
The worlds of the people I know are jagged and torn and we're all being thrown out to sea.

I don't paint to create something.
I paint to survive.
What is art?
Art is my survival technique.
When I cannot stand the horrors of this world, I choose to create a new one to live in.
I do that with my studio.
With my music.
With my incense.
With my singing.
With my dance.
By closing off.
But more importantly...I do this with my painting, by painting new things to believe in or identify with.

I am not ashamed to say that art, to me, is denial. Cowardly, selfish denial. That art is needy, a needing of new things. I'm not going to lie and bullshit and put feathers on anything. Art is something I do when I need to get away. It's only when I'm coming back that I finetune it and turn it into a challenging occupation. It's only when I'm coming back that I want it to reach other people. It's only when I'm coming back that I get excited about the community, about the creations of others, and about investigating fellow artists.

But before that, before that journey home....

art isn't about being something.
Art is about wanting something more.

And I want something more than 2008.
For everybody.
And I am painting up a storm.

Great Image

Photographer: Eugenio Recuenco
Stylist: Alberto Murtra
Model: JP Germain

I like it.


Outdid themselves this year.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Oh Deary

My nose hairs are white. If I tilt my head back, I can see. I better rinse my nose out before boy sees or I'll be in big trouble.

Wait...did I actually talk about white nose hair *right* after I jokingly mentioned coke in an earlier post? No, no...I've been spraypainting. NOT to be confused with huffing. Though they do ID you in America if you buy spraypaint. But they don't ID you if you buy gas. Hmmm. *squinty eyes* This continues to be a strange and illogical land.

But I digress!
It's a little after nine which mean Valentines night is just beginning!

I gotta go wiggle my nose clean.

Scheduling Difficulties

I have started painting later and later into the night. And that's okay - I love working late at night. However I get up at 5 each morning to workout with a friend. And the painting/working out is killing me.

I'm not sure what to do.
My friend and I workout at that time to work around our individual homelives. And I'm 100% happy with that.

But...I'm thinking, as a result, maybe I should just stay up all night, workout in the morning, and then sleep during the day.

Which is a little bit ass.
I'm not a bat.
I'd prefer not to do that.

We do what we can, no?
For our art?

*rubs sleepy eyes*

I need caffeine.
I need coke. Every kind.
And I need to find a way to pull my sh*t together.

How can it already be 9pm?
I've got about eight hours of painting to do before I can call it a day.
And I've been working all bloody morning.


In Honour....

Of Colours, my beautiful Australian friend.
Your comment made me laugh, jump up, and find the music.


Let's spin!

p.s: I had already printed a chameleon when I read your comment! Squee! I will attempt to paint it tonight!!

Happy Valentines & Ferris Wheel Day!

HAPPY VALENTINES all of you delicious, sexy, wonderful, crazy, ridiculous, beautiful, amazing, insane, gorgeous BEASTS.

Oh, how I adore thee!

May your day be filled with light and laughter, music and dance, great food and warm beverage, favourite movies, wicked strolls and positively orgasmic love-making. Hard and fast and gentle and slow. Upside down, rightside up. And, lastly, in an entirely new angle that mankind has yet to discover or fathom.

And DON'T's Ferris Wheel day, too.
So perfect!
Make love in a bucket.

Love & Sparkles,

The Answer Is


No, no I lied!

It's 12x12.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Exquisite Models

I found the most exquisite models today.

You're sitting there, your eyes are dry from the computer screen, posture has long since slumped and your back is killing you. Your index finger hurts from the continual 'click, click' on the mouse. You've exhausted your music collection. You're hungry but stuck. Your butt is numb. You've trodden through 600+ photos of angsty teenage emo kids with fake blood and black clothing, or drunken pagan renaissance fans waving sage and swords, and then...


There she is.
There he is.
There *it* is.

The one photo that erases all you've sat through.
The one photo which is exactly the look, exactly the feel, exactly the everything you've been looking for.
What you're going through or what you want to go through.
What you want to paint.

So you smile.
You say 'Happy Early Valentines, My Darling Sarah'
You stretch, you creak, you groan, you sigh contentedly.
You hit save.
And you wander over to the window to absorb some light, before heading back to work.

The Hunters Are Mad

No, no, you know.
Camouflage it is.

So clever, these beauitful creatures that know how to transform for survival.
Their eyes wide with caution, blinking in the light. Silent as an empty room. Every particle of being braced for attack, every inch of self evolving to prevent it.

This is how we sink or swim.

We camouflage.


Maybe the 'Camouflage' series will evolve to just be a mix of man and creature.
Because the brightest, funkiest birds aren't bright and funky for camouflage.
But they'd be delicious to paint.

I love this.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


Every Seven Years

They say every seven years you start a new cycle of life. But, you see, I cannot remember when I was born to begin with.

f o u n d .

I found this whilst looking for snake-skin shedding photos.

You know you wish you could.
You know you wish you could slather it all off and rise up like rain on hot asphalt.

Monday, February 11, 2008


Let's Talk About The Weather


You don't know.

You don't know what.

You don't know what the.

What the sunshine.

You don't know what the sunshine does to me.

Sunday, February 10, 2008


Skarlett and I drew pictures and hung them up all over the house.

My favourite pictures she drew were of me and her on a hill (2nd picture in, with the love-heart) and of her daddy being eaten by a dinosaur (not pictured).
She copied my t-rex and drew the damn thing better than I did.
And then she fed her dad to it which is just...all kinds of beaming beauty.

Rock on.
I wanna be a Vivian Girl.
Oh I am.


I finally - after 4 years - figured out how to not miss phone-calls in the studio.
I r smart.
Yeah, also, maybe it's on vibrate.
Call me and give me a thrill. ;)

And my room at 5am.
Cry it's so beautiful.
Cry like you haven't eaten for five days and somebody just baked you a fresh loaf of bread.

One of today's other beauties?
I'm singing every song on my stereo in the same voice/accent as the singer.
It's hilarious.
You should hear me do James Blunt.
Hell, you should hear me do anyone.
People have such strange voices I almost love mankind again.

More Respect

I think for this guy than for any other artist I know.

Fell in love last night.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Disturbing Video

So my new series is 'Camouflage' - work illustrating mankind imitating/dressing-up-as the animals that camouflage or mimic for survival and protection. Mostly women, at this point.

Today I planned on tackling 'Octopus' and 'Snake'.
When browsing through octopus images I came across a video titled 'Octopus Eats Shark' My first reaction was to breathe "awesome" so I eagerly clicked on it. But...instead of being this great video where nature was all a-roar and screaming at each other it was just sad. To see this shark swimming happily and then BAM.

I guess, at first glance, I wanted the underdog to win. You know...the shark is supposed to be the 'baddy' and to be taken out by an octopus was supposed to be somewhat marvellous. But it wasn't marvellous at all. I just saw the octopus as a bad guy, too. So instead of it being 'the good guy wins' it was 'dog-eat-dog'.

And I suppose I'm just not in the mood for that today.

So...octopus...kudos to you for secretly stealing and killing all the sharks in the aquarium and completely confusing the workers with their disappearances. But really? Guys? Can't we all play nice in this stinky old fish tank?


It really gets kinda nasty in here, where we have to float around in each others crap. Can we possibly avoid attacking each other about it if we can?

*runs off to paint octopus*

aforementioned video

Friday, February 8, 2008


Wickedly productive day.
Firstly my Absorbent Ground arrived in the post yesterday (and yes, I was in the middle of a workout when it arrived so I sprinted out in shorts and sports bra and flashed the FedEx man a grin)...

...So first thing today I created some new compositions for my showing in March and figured out the dimensions I would need for the first two pieces.

Then I got to measuring!

Then I got to cutting!

Then I got to gluing and clamping!

Then, while I was waiting for things to dry, I worked on my websites. Finally! Finally I got dreamweaver to work (with a little help ;) and I updated my official website and then I updated Share Your Tears. I still need to merge the years on the SYTs site (an illustrator task, not dreamweaver) and just have one complete 'gallery' instead, and I'd like to put the video up onsite also. Then tomorrow I sort out prints and the site should be done for now.

Now I am going to go and spraypaint the canvases I made and start undercoating. If I can get 8 layers on tonight then I should be able to start tomorrow with drawing up the compositions (and making more frames for other works).

And, as a PLUS, I'm not getting up at 5 to go to the park tomorrow! My friend can't make it so I can workout on my own time and start the day in the studio. Or sleep in for once!

My, but I am sleepy now. *squinty eyes*
Maybe...before I spraypaint...I can watch some crappy TV for half an hour...?

It's all downhill from here!

*pulls out pocketwatch*
*jumps down rabbit hole, muttering*

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Tom Waits Day

It's Tom Waits day in my studio.
But more importantly, this song...this song...
This song makes me...
Makes me...
This song makes me...

This song makes me...

"I never saw the morning til I stayed up all night
I never saw the sunshine til you turned out the light
I never saw my hometown until I stayed away too long
I never heard the melody, until I needed a song.

I never saw the white line, til I was leaving you behind
I never knew I needed you til I was caught up in a bind
I never spoke i love you til I cursed you in vain,
I never felt my heartstrings until I nearly went insane.

I never saw the east coast til I moved to the west
I never saw the moonlight until it shone off your breast
I never saw your heart til someone tried to steal,
Tried to steal it away
I never saw your tears until they rolled down your face."


This is what I like to see!

Feb 7, 2008 7:54 AM
On FedEx vehicle for delivery

At local FedEx facility

Feb 6, 2008 11:24 PM
Departed FedEx location

6:40 PM
Arrived at FedEx location

Feb 5, 2008 10:52 AM
Left origin

Feb 4, 2008 11:16 PM
Arrived at FedEx location

Package data transmitted to FedEx

Picked up

Maybe I should go cut some boards!
*puts on carpenter pants*

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


Is a beautiful day to be naked.

Estimated Delivery

for Absorbent Ground arrival is the 6th.
*looks at calendar*
I'm not sure if by the '6th' they really don't mean the '8th'.

Start some acrylics?
Or patiently wait?


Tie up loose-ends?
Maybe tie up loose ends.
But it's already the 6th and I need a small collection done by the end of this month.

Or watercolour?
Or wait?


I need aspirin, whatever the case.

Mary's Song.

When my friend came and stayed in January I put some music on her computer.
She fell in love with one of the songs and did her own version of it.

I prefer it.

But then I love my friend's voice.
And her soul.
And her everything.

So I may be a little biased.

*click video to listen to Mary*

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


Tyrannosaurus Rex

I was painting a picture of a tyrannosaurus rex. He was bursting through a circus tent, ripping apart a banner that had the title of a novel on it.
It's not as I would like it.
But that's okay.
I don't think it's very important to the person it was meant for anyway.

Sunday, February 3, 2008




This is the most beautiful place in the world to me.

It's even more pretty than the Tardis.
And for 60 seconds you're invited in.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Moving Stuff Around

I have rearranged my entire studio.
A lot of furniture shifting and undrilling wall screws and redrilling wall screws.
Paintings moved, ornaments collected, photographs taken down.
No feather dusting yet.
Just a shine of magic and a grin.
A jump and a hop.
A skip and a dance.
A kiss or two on a painting.

Oh, er, and check it out...
I fit into my thin jeans.
18 miles a day will do that for you. ;)
I had a party in my pants.
No wait...a dance party in my pants.
Nooo, no, wait...a pants dance party?

I was happy and my pants were involved.

*scratches head*