I tried to go back to bed after my workout. No dice. On an hour of sleep I lie upside on my studio floor, sunlight glistening and beaming, leaf shadows dancing on my face. The perfect music choice swims over me and I study the ceiling. It's a perfect rectangle. No, wait...if it were a perfect rectangle I wouldn't have noticed it. It must be different. A different, perfect rectangle. There is space for three lightbulbs up there, in the land of lightbulb fixings. I only have two. I must remember to fix this.
I wait for energy to hit my body. Currently my stomach is just an anxious knot of ick. The same knot I've had for days. I know I ought to be painting, I mean *really* painting. I hope to today. I just get so...knotted. Maybe I should spend the day doing construction instead. But oh, how I miss the paint. I will paint. But not right now. Not in the daylight. I will paint late into the night, instead. When the world is asleep and it's okay to be a knot. But not in the daylight. Not in the wake. Today is so beautiful I need to get out. I need to go here:
But there is two hours away and gas prices are ridiculous. Still...maybe I can go closer. To another rock, only an hour away. Maybe I can find the same sun, only setting, and maybe I can find another rock, only larger, and maybe I can stand up on it and scream. Scream until the tension is gone. Scream until wrong is made right.
Nature is my saviour, it always has been.
Maybe I will find a rock to bring home and polish whenever I need to breathe.
Maybe I will go on a treasure hunt.
*looks at watch*
It's only 9.39am.
Time enough still to run away.
*looks down into - appropriately green - soy milk and pond scum shake*
Nature has always been my saviour.
I ought to get dressed and go.
Maybe even take my easel and paints.
Enough food to grill on a fire come evening.
Hit the road running and come back...cleansed.
Come on wallet...give me the funding to go....